Today, I proudly introduce the inspiring story of Joni and Keith Johnson......in her words:

_    Keith and I were married the summer of 1989.  Like many young couples, we hoped to have children “some day.”  We spent the first several months of our marriage adjusting to being a married couple.  Finances were tight, but God provided.  We hoped to have a more stable income before any children came along.

    However, as time passed, it became obvious that I was not going to conceive right away.  We were not in a financial position to have expensive testing done.  We decided to simply leave it in God’s hands.

    After we had been married 4 years, I became very discouraged.  I could not understand why God would not allow us to have a child.  I worked at a daycare center, and enjoyed the children.  But it only fueled my desire to have children of my own. 

    While working there, one of the younger women became pregnant by her boyfriend.  At first, she was excited and talked about “her baby” as she rubbed her stomach.  A couple of weeks later, her attitude changed.  Her boyfriend wasn’t as excited about the pregnancy as she was.  In fact, he told her that if she did not have an abortion, he would leave her.  I prayed so hard for her, and spoke with her about the decision.  In the end, though, she made the decision to end her pregnancy.  I was devastated!  I could not have a child, but this young woman killed the life within her.  It just didn’t make sense to me.

    I spent many days and nights agonizing over what I could have done to displease God so much?  I must have done something very wrong for Him to punish me this way.  I cannot count the days and nights I sobbed and sobbed, wondering what was wrong with me.  It all seemed so unfair.

    On Mother’s Day, 2005, I asked Keith if we could stay home?  I didn’t think I could face a day of honoring mothers when I was so discouraged.  It was the most depressing Mother’s Day I had ever had.  Not only were we childless, but my own mother was hundreds of miles away.

    A few days later, we attended a ministers’ gathering.  During one service, they asked anyone who needed healing to stand for prayer.  Keith looked at me and said, “I think we need to stand.”  We did, and those around us prayed for us.  Of course, they had no idea why they were praying.

    About a month later, while attending another meeting, we were sitting with several other people at the evening meal.  The topic of children came up, as one individual at the table spent a lot of time ministering to young women at abortion clinics.  We were discussing adoption, etc. when an acquaintance made some comments that “those who can’t have children should just stop whining and get on their faces before God”.  It hurt me so deeply.  Of course, he had no idea what we were going through.  Still, I rushed to the women’s restroom and broke down in tears.  All I could pray was, “Why, God?  Why?”  After I finally calmed down, Keith and I took a walk. 

    He said, “Joni, we are going to have to put this all in God’s hands.  If we are unable to have children of our own, maybe we should pray about adoption.”  It was so hard to let go of my dream, but I knew it was time.

    Two weeks later, I took a pregnancy test, then made a doctor appointment for the next day.  On our 6th anniversary, we were told that I was FINALLY pregnant!  The next day was Father’s Day.  What a joy to share our incredible news with our family and friends!  As time progressed, we came to the realization that I had conceived shortly after the service where others prayed for our healing!

    All throughout my pregnancy, Keith and I prayed and prayed for our unborn child.  We were so afraid to hope, and yet wanted to trust God that our little one would indeed be a healthy child.  We clung to Mark 7:37.  The day David Keith Johnson was born, we truly saw a miracle!  Even more amazing, three and a half years later, we were blessed with another son, Daniel.

   After over 22 years of marriage, we still do not know why I have only been able to give birth to two children.  And, honestly, I don’t understand why God allowed us to have any children.  I know so many women who are unable to conceive, for many reasons.

    What I do know is this:  Even if I had never been able to give birth at all, GOD IS FAITHFUL.  His ways are beyond my understanding.  Just because God does not answer my prayers in the way I think He should does not make His ways wrong.  It just means I can’t see the bigger picture.  Some day, I will see more clearly.  Until then, I must simply trust Him.

    On the days when my boys are trying my patience or doing something they’ve been told not to do, I try to remind myself of the desert years of suffering…and remind myself to be thankful, for truly, “He has done all things well.”

Joni welcomes your questions and comments. Please contact Joni through her Facebook page. She is also an active blogger. I encourage you to visit her blogs! Journey Thoughts and Freckled Mom!



*Joni composed a poem at her lowest moment. It carries you to the depth of her hurt......(Read More)

_

This is the first time I've shared it with anyone other than Keith and the boys.  But I really feel someone
out there needs to read it.  I think it applies, not only to those struggling with infertility, but anyone who
is struggling to understand the "why" of a situation they're facing.

It still Hurts…

Lord, there’s an ache inside me that just
Won’t go away.  I can’t even describe the
Pain that fills me.  It’s a void.  There’s
An emptiness that I could never find the
Words to explain.  It’s a desire to hear
The sound of little feet.  A hunger to feel
The movements of a forming life inside of
Me.  The longing for the satisfaction of
Giving my beloved husband this very special
Gift that only I can give him.  The ache
Of wondering...of wishing…of hoping
That it will someday be a reality.  I
Can live for days and weeks without it
Even surfacing to my thoughts at all.  But
When I least expect it, there it is,
Crashing in on me so unexpectedly.  And it
Feels like it will never stop.  Will the
Pain ever end Father?  Will we suffer this
For the rest of our lives?  Why don’t You
Make it stop?  I know that You are acquainted
With our sorrows and griefs.  The Word tells
Me clearly that You became humanity and
Identified with everything we will ever go
Through.  But childlessness?  Yes, You know
That one, too.  As a man You must have longed
Many times to have a wife and family.  But it
Was not to be for You.  You know how I feel.
But that’s not always easy for me to
Remember.  I need Your comfort, Father, like
I’ve never needed it before.  This all just
Seems so unfair.  There just doesn’t seem to
Be any way out of it.  Only You can ease this
Ache that’s buried inside our hearts.  As I
Pray these words, I ask that You will come
And daily soothe the wound.  I ask for it
Daily, because it seems to continually come
Back.  Over and over and over…an
Onslaught of overwhelming anguish.  I know,
Too, that we must come to you with it.  We
Can’t hold it inside or pretend it isn’t
Really happening.  Fill this emptiness, dear
Father, and calm the storm of emotions inside
Each of us.  Because even though some days I
Can “handle” it, at times, like today, I must
Honestly admit:

IT STILL HURTS.