As a writer/blogger, I always enjoy reading different blogs that inspire me. My cousin's wife, Christina Johnson, has a blog called GET JOY. Reading her newly added post yesterday, I was deeply moved. I started navigating around her page and noticed a post that was tagged "Loss". Opening this post from two years ago, I read a moving poem concerning infant loss. I asked Christina's permission to use this poem in today's post, but also asked if she would like to share the story behind posting this poem. Christina is delighted to bring her story of loss to you and how God brought her from grief to JOY. I am thrilled to feature her story, in her words.........

John and I had decided that we would let God determine when we would begin to have children. We were at a really good place in our lives to have kids or not to have them. We were content with God’s will whatever it was. However, God always wants us to trust Him a little more, lean on Him more and allows us to face things we never could have imagined or understand to draw us closer to His side.

In 1998, I realized that my monthly cycle was going much longer than it had ever gone before. So like any woman, I ran out to the store and got a pregnancy test. I was so excited when the little dash appeared for a positive result. I then made an appointment with the doctor that Friday.

I went to my appointment and my test there came back positive as well. I was around 2 months into my pregnancy. John and I were excited, thrilled and scared to death all at the same time. We were going to be a mom and dad. We called our parents, friends and told some of our church family on Sunday of our great news.

I adore children. I worked with the kids at our church. I had worked with at 3 different day cares. Needless to say, I loved the idea of having my own child. I loved the idea of being a mom the moment I knew there was a little baby growing inside of me.

The next Monday morning I will never forget. It is burned into the file of loss in the file cabinets of my mind. I went to work and began to feel some severe cramping. I knew almost immediately what was happening. I began to weep in the bathroom stall at work afraid to come out and face all that was going to happen in the hours to come.

John and I called the doctor and she sent me to the ER for an ultra sound. As the technicians ran the wand over my belly, I looked at her face, then to the screen, and back to her face. I was looking for any sign that my baby was still there. I asked her and she told me she couldn’t share that information. She gently replied, “The doctor will look over the pictures and let you know.” But, I knew the answer. I could see the answer on her face.

I went from being a mom to not being one in over the course of a weekend. I was mad at God. It was not uncommon for my monthly cycles to be extra long. Why did I have to take that pregnancy test? I would have just thought it was another long cycle. I was frustrated and mad. Why did I have to know about my baby? These were all the questions and thoughts that haunted me over the next several days.

Then someone gave me this poem. I don’t even remember who did; but, it meant more to me than anything anyone said or did.

Heaven's Voice
Mama, although you can't see me right now for a while,
I'm growing in heaven and I often smile.
You'll always be special and close to my heart,
for you gave me life mom right from the start.

Mama please know I love you so much,
the time will soon come when I feel your touch.
On that glorious day we'll meet again,
look for me mom, I have Daddy's grin.
For now you must know I am happy and strong,
I play with the angels they teach me their songs,
If you listen real close, the songs you will hear
on the wind of the Spirit, they'll be so clear

So mama rejoice in our God who is strong,
time will pass quickly it won't be too long.
We'll stand together and look face to face,
beholding each other in this glorious place.

We'll worship forever our God who is true,
and love me enough, to give me to you.
-Cindi Diane Markham

_I knew after I had read this why God allowed me to know of my pregnancy. Someday, when I leave this earth, my child will be waiting for me as I am ushered into heaven. There I will enjoy forever with my baby in the presence of our God who is good. It makes longing for heaven all that much more sweet.

I learned that even in the darkest of times God is there. When my heart was broken, He cared for me ever so tenderly. He taught me that He loves my children even more than I do. He showed me ways to bring closure to this part of my life. He taught me how to lean on Him a little more. He proved to me that He would never leave me. He reminded me that He still has a plan.

A year and half later, our oldest daughter of three came into the world. My kids know of their sibling in heaven. They know that we are really a family of six. They also know that our baby has a name. I picked out a name even though I didn’t know if it was a boy a girl. I picked out the name because of what the name means. Our child waiting in heaven is Josiah, “God Heals”!

* To follow Christina's blog, just click on GET JOY, go HERE.
The flowers, in the picture with Christina's children, represent "Josiah".